Measure Your Life In Love

promise

2011-10-03T15:44:00.000+10:30

i gonna treat myself well
because no one else can do better

revive. maybe not.

2011-09-30T01:15:00.005+09:30

like my title.
I found myself in a perfect blogging mood I had 6 months ago. Though Im sure I had relapses in between, moments of imperfection and losing control, as a few close ones would know.
Many things changed.
I have a new way of looking at things now. Though sometimes there are comments dripping in cynicism.
Today I would like to honour it with appreciation.

There are times when I feel like Im alone and completely helpless. It is really depressing. And I simply dont buck up and be like, hey, Im awesome I can do it. No, I really just lie in bed and watch videos, until I found a reason to get up. One of those days, and everyone does it. But what Im trying to say is, it really is ok.

Sometimes it feels things are not going your way. But the worst part is nobody understands. Or some pretend they understand and rant off their own high horses (not doubting their kind heart though). Please, for once, just listen.
But today, I had a new revelation. It still feels great when your loved ones got pass everything and understand you, even if it took some time.

Most of the time we forgot the people we love the most deserves to be treated well. But also because we know they will never leave us that's why we forgot to show them how much we love them. We are always nice to others but we forget we should treat those loved ones even better. This is always true and I say this all the time. Maybe its time I actually do it.

One last rambling thought, be nice to others on a personal level. To strangers, to that new colleague, to your brother's friend. Be nice, not because you want something back, nor because it makes you feel good. Be nice because the other person can have a good day. Be nice because he/she can be nice to others in return. Be nice because you can be. We are no saints but that's the least the miniscule me can do.

2011-03-27T20:30:00.002+10:30

I dont know how long I'm going to keep this space open. It's...kinda have no need to keep this space there any longer. A place to keep my thoughts maybe. Except I have to be very careful with publishing my thoughts on some public domain. It could just be a harmless rant, or some place to notify someone of something, which is practically non-existent. So I quit, when there is no longer any worthwhile purpose. I can always rant some other places, to some poor friends of mine, who are very much honoured to listen to my miserable life. Taking off the latch now.

RANT

2011-03-26T00:41:00.003+10:30

why do guys like high-maintenance girlfriends?
is it because they want to take care of someone, to feel needed? if that's the case, then get a dog. way more responsibility there. oh or that they want to take care of someone who can sometimes actually take care of herself too. then what's the point? it's like eating cheesecake without cheese in it.

2011-03-23T23:40:00.001+10:30

the weirdest animation I've ever watched.

2011-03-20T20:33:00.002+10:30

hello hello

third week from uni and I'm starting to feel the pressure of having to get everything done without anyone telling me to. It's not even like classmates are worrying at all, they all looked so chill and organised with everything. Made me feel like I'm slacking off when I am not doing any studying at home. For all I know smartness don't get you anywhere, just hard work and perseverance.

Long weekend of partying so the last time I did work was on Friday, my first assignment done. Otherwise not very productive this week at all. Friday night was my sis's birthday BBQ and pretty much wasn't doing any work since that afternoon. Got a little bit high until my sis went drunk, so I can't drink anymore, gotta make sure no one smash my house and put Bruno to bed. Luckily Johnny helped out with transport and organising. And many thanks to Emily and Yee who helped clean the house afterwards.

So woke up the next morning and finished cleaning up. Kinda tired from the night before and I don't wanna kill myself Saturday night for Em's birthday drinks. But I ended up going into city and saw some friends. Was gonna checked out MASCA the Malaysian Students Association here in Adelaide, but I saw only a small crowd so I'm like naaaah! and went shopping. No offence.

Went to Lotus for the party and it was dark in there. So very dark. They had the bar and the dancefloor inside, which was very loud as well. But there was heaps of people inside and outside on the courtyard. Still it was amazing, we all had fun. Maybe drank more than we should have but it was really fun. Shots and jokes going around. Or maybe I was drunk that's why I found everything funny. After that we grabbed something to eat to get clear-headed and went home. This is probably the biggest weekend I had and I had to force myself to study today. Wasn't working very well, but I tried my best.

oh man Bruno

2011-03-12T13:15:00.002+10:30

The 8.9 earthquake and tsunami tragedy in Northeastern Japan came as a larger shock after the previous 5.4 quake that sent out an evacuation warning to citizens of Northeast cities of Japan. However as the 10m wave loomed 5km landwards, affecting Sendaki and Miyagi the most, no one could be against this powerful wave of force that swept everything in its path.

Images of vast water washing across that pushing houses and cars several kilometers, footages of people running out of buildings or clinging for dear life while they were at work, fires outbreak. The world watched in horror, muted by shock as the tragedy unfolds before their eyes, helpless across the distance. I watched a footage where shop assistants calmly and professionally help direct the customers out of the building to a safe evacuation point. No one does it like Japan. Using their high technology and previous knowledge and preparations as an earthquake-prone zone, no matter what the death toll shows at the end of the day, we could almost be sure that the government had done its best to minimise it.

Quickly looking at the aftereffects of this earthquake, the economy would be devastatingly on a down. Infrastructure-wise we are looking at the a revival similar to that of the Acheh earthquake. However, the reconstruction and rebuilding of the cities would be very much organised and effective than the 2004 earthquake, simply because of the systematic plan the Japanese government who are ready to implement towards the rebuilding of the city. Nevertheless it is important to note that the magnitude of this catastrophe is unprecedented in Japan for at least 120 years. The biggest challenge however remains on the effect that will have upon the economy and information flow, which rely heavily upon electricity. As much as the restoration of the electricity would be on top of the agenda, it is undeniable that it will have a detrimental effect on most businesses and governmental work. In a more immediate outlook, this will also affect the aid that will be given to victims of the tsunami.

On a cultural and social aspect, it would most likely be a deep imprint that would be left in the minds of the Japanese and other world citizens. It is crucial as to how the Japanese government deals with a disaster of such magnitude when the whole world is watching, which would serves as potentially a good lesson to other world leaders. However, it is too early to see any significant signs or problems that the government can have action upon. The people of Japan would be in deep shock and grief, which will very likely progress to become a generous empathy act that binds the nation together, adding on to the strong Japanese culture of magnanimosity.

2011-03-12T00:15:00.003+10:30

I was with a friend tonight, chilling and drinking. Not even much but alcohol reacts quickly on me, due to metabolism rates which indicates i shouldn't even drink much, but i went all red like a shrimp and reek, or so they've told me. And yes, you probably think I'm writing this post in an intoxicated state but I'm not. I'm taking full responsibility of what I write.

But I was thinking about guys in general, and some other people. This was part of the topic with my girlfriend tonight. Something along the lines of what type of guys we like, and those who we think are in for the long haul. Kinda early to be thinking about this, but that's what girls talk about. By the way, check out Dome Pakorn, a Thai singer. He is hot and dreamy and sexy as hell. ok back on track, so after discussing about it, it got me thinking a little more than that. Sure I admit there is a fantasy going on. But it will always be one is every girl's head, single or not. Be it Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom or Russell Crowe. Or Takashi.

But though, think about this. How judgemental can you be?

I mean whether it is based on first impression, or any other after-actions, people view individuals perceptively. Most of the time unfairly. For example, you see a girl drinking alcohol. First thought? yea she's a skank and a drunkard. Sometimes think: well she's definitely out celebrating. Some think: do you think I could get some of that? Judgemental and perception. Usually social conditioning and unaware of it.

I would say it is partly the media's fault. My favourite stand-up comedian, Russell Peters once made a comment on racism, which he always does: the media portrays different races very easily, building on and response to cliches which the public would immediately recognised. Put a photo of an Indian and a 7-11, people think robbery. Photo of a Middle East guy in Islam clothing and a photo of a building on fire, people think terrorism. Seriously it is not healthy anymore. You can't do or say anything without being perceptive in the first place. Worst part of it all, people expects you to make similar comments or agrees with their ideas, as part of a social inclusion.

However, saying so doesn't mean it is a hopeless case. Simply being conscious of the social conditioning happening around you makes a difference. It changes what you think, making you more conscious of what you are thinking, thus avoiding it altogether. But then again, you may not change your thinking, simply because you think it wouldn't matter at all. But it does matter. It matters a lot. I mean how can you be passive when you look around the world, Jasmine Revolution in Tunisia, the Middle East controversies, China, North-South Korea, etc. where everyone is doing something. Where you live and what the social trend there don't really affect much if the people have a view of their own. It is in all sorts of research, look it up. Or if you're lazy, just take my word for it, I rather not lie about this. Or you already know.

I'm kinda doing this more in the sense of the general public in mind. So if I wanna narrow it down to what girls think about guys, I would have to say...seriously have no clue at all. First and utmost important, every individual is different and there can't be any sort of predictions. So basically all those relationship books that are about how guys and girls are different and how to get in their pants, IT IS BULLSHIT. Everyone is different, and beautiful in their own way. You see and appreciate it, or you don't. Simple as that. It is like shopping for jeans. You have to get the one that fits you properly, comfortable like second skin, and makes your butt and legs look amazing. And it's different for everyone, just because it is. So seriously, stop asking me how you're gonna get that girl. I don't know. How about trying it in the fitting room? I'm pretty sure it wouldn't bite.

2011-03-09T21:28:00.002+10:30

Living alone isn't all that glamorous to begin with. Well there's the basic housework that needs to be done daily or weekly. Errands to run. It means knowing your house inside out. And on top of that, there's the legal papers, monthly payments, arrangements for basic maintenance of the house. Knowing when to do what, basically saying.

And then it changes when you're living with someone else. Be it a family member or a friend, there are habits or lifestyles that are bound to be different. Thus, rules or arrangements need to be negotiate to accommodate the best possible living space. It is never easy, especially if you develop a dislike towards certain lifestyle of others. Just how it happened two years ago.

I moved to a foreign country two years ago. I was in fact lucky in the sense that I could speak the language and had close family around. Living in a new environment brings in my previous practice of discipline into place, made me organised my work and cope with difficult issues all at once. But then when it comes to meeting new people and living with them, I hadn't had any clue at all. Moreover, there are many people with different characters which really takes on my socialising skills, which to be honest wasn't all that great. It still isn't.

But then I guess nobody's perfect. I meet bitchy people around. Then clever people. Most of them nice. And then I look upon myself and start to question what is it in me that is so great that makes people want to be friends with me? Hardly a question that should be answer in front of people, more like a self-reflection. I wouldn't say my answer now (maybe more some other time) but yes, I am not perfect too. So it all comes down to whether you just click with a person or not. I try my best. But I respect people's opinions and choices. And truthfully, most of the time they don't click with me. Maybe intimidating, or too distant (but more on that later). Anyway, my point is that nobody can be 100% likeable. But if we just maintain that basic respect, we'll get along fine.

So when I'm out here, I meet more people and experience more. Definitely more than I would have if I stayed in Malaysia. Once a friend told me she wasn't happy studying and living overseas. There is too much difference and no matter how integrate she is into the culture here, nothing could make her happy. Maybe there was too much dwelling and comparing in her mindset. But the case was that way for her. I am not trying to put off people from travelling overseas. If anyone asks me I would only pick the option to travel away from home. It isn't because home is a lousy place to be (I know some people who would stand by that notion), but there is always a bigger place than home. And trust me, in this case, bigger is definitely better.

I heard someone said before, not leaving your comfort zone is like knowing just one language. It is so small and narrow that you couldn't see the other beautiful things further down the road.

2011-03-08T23:36:00.002+10:30

long time since I've written anything proper. so here goes:

I started playing the piano since I was 5. Over the years I gradually lost my interest and one day I stopped practicing. It wasn't the loss of love for music or the instrument. I still loved to dance and sing, appreciating good music for all I can. It just became a repetitive activity that I had to do, three pieces a year with scales and arpeggios thrown in the mix. Basically saying I didn't enjoy playing the piano anymore. It actually came to a point where I was depressed because I couldn't figured out how I could love music and yet the joy in playing piano was nowhere to be found. Examinations became the main motive in pursuing further education about piano. Today I only play the piano whenever I wanted to, with the songs I love. Chopin is my favourite. I do mostly dancing nowadays, in the form of freestyle. Enticing me is the music that flows into my ear, through my brain, expressed by my body. To be able to listen and feel the music, pulsing through my veins, is more than exhilarating. More inportantly, I was able to express freely.

To express freely, through movement, speech, articulation, song, writing, is nevertheless the basic concept of appreciating the arts. To each its own. spells out how different one could interpret a performance. This includes the emotions felt during and after the performance, as well as how well one understands and reflects upon it. A simple rendition of an actor onstage could be seen differently in the eyes of the audience. But what is most inportant, is the heartfelt performance of the performer. And by heartfelt, I mean free expression.

Imagine a child dancing without any previous learning. Imagine the crowd singing impromptu when they are in support of a movement, like a religious stance. Imagine picking up the harmonica and entertain your mates on a lazy afternoon by the pool. Imagine a group of children letting their imagination run wild, playing a game of pirates and battleships and angels and talking animals. Free expression. An impromptu act. Something that is a little more than instincts and the courage to bring imagination to reality, sometimes unknowingly. Simply putting, the expression of emotions is widely received by many, especially in its most purest state. Think of a dog greets you affectionately when you come home. Or a baby laughing at a game of peek-a-boo. These are times when we deeply sense the raw emotions given by another individual, and embracing it warmly or with empathic.

To let the audience release such a response, the performer must convince them of the true extent of expression in their acts. For example, I wouldn't be playing a good piece on the piano that touches my audience if I never knew what the piece really mean, no matter how many hours I spent practicing it. Also I wouldn't have enjoy playing the piece either.

I agree that to some extent, form and training are needed in the preparation of a great act. However, nothing would touch the audience if there is no emotion is a piece of work. This isn't limited to the arts or the performing sector. It is in our everyday life of expression. The repression for the freedom of speech is not publicly discussed but it still exists in many corners of the world. There it becomes a defy of basic human rights, and slowly conforming into a much more sinister anger that bubbles under the surface, poised to burst out one day.

The freedom of expression is more than just a plain human rights that ought to be practiced widely. It helps in rendering people of viewpoints and thoughts, whether benign or dangerous, that is important in creating a social dimension. When one day free expression no longer exists and passive responses lie among people, then we would have lost all humanity. Fortunately that will never happen.

2011-03-06T21:35:00.002+10:30

Yesterday I have my first shot at acting. And acting is not glamorous at all. There is a lot of repetitive shots, weather conditions, technical issues. It is physically tiring. Not to mention you have to look good on screen, which sometimes isnt a natural to people like me. The weirdest thing is probably having to act close to a stranger. Boom all of a sudden Im paralysed at being just myself. So yes, I hope the results turn out good. But no, no more trying. Once is plenty. I am so not cut out for acting, full stop.

Build a Bridge, and GET OVER IT!

2011-03-03T23:46:00.004+10:30

Look at this craziness, where everyone starts at the same point with prejudice. Some are better. Some think they are better. Some talk too much. Some live in their own world. Some have no clue what they are doing, just doing out of habit. Some prefer to stay out of everything and be an observer.

They say uni life has a lot of different aspects to it. Enjoying uni life means taking a lot of different steps into different directions. Be open. Try everything. Make friends. Join clubs or societies or pub crawl. Whatever.

I try not to think too much. I dont want to make a conclusion about this. I hope it can be better of course. But that just it. So its first week done for me and it is overwhelming. But I think I did ok. Try to remind myself im not in school anymore and if I die, this time I have no one else to blame. oh and be my freaking self, no matter how much I dont fit in.

UniSA Magill

2011-03-01T16:00:00.002+10:30

I told you so =)

2011-02-28T22:45:00.002+10:30

How much would you do to help a stranger?

Would you hit the 'alight' button on the bus when you see someone running to catch the bus at the next stop?

Would you stay as a witness for a car accident?

Would you spend time to help someone to find his/her lost things on a hot afternoon?

2011-02-28T22:44:00.000+10:30

cant take my eyes off Natalie Portman

rememberance

2011-02-26T23:50:00.003+10:30

Matyr for free Tunisia Mohamed Bouazizi died from self-immolation

Grassroot hero of Egypt Wael Ghonim

2011-02-26T23:02:00.002+10:30

If you ask me now about uni, I am going to tell you its going to be great. I've started pre-reading materials on my politic subject and it is MINDBLOWING. well i know at least one person would be very interested in what I am studying. and I seriously have to work on my vocab. It is horrendously lacking for a journalism. Correction, would-be journalism.

Today I was looking through some videos that made me smile. Most of them did, except for those that include bloody animal killings scenes. Videos, like photographs, capture memories and people instantly and forever. The feelings and the bonds exist beyond the test of time, even when it no longer sustain in reality. Watching them brings mixed emotions. The desire or rejection of returning back to that moment. Or in some other cases where the subject belongs to someone else, curiosity or jealousy blossoms. Have you ever look into a photograph and imagine it was you in it? Imagine the happiness or the carefree dream-achieved feeling. Wished you have been there.

I spent tons of time daydreaming about the impossibility and the past, anything but the reality. It wasnt because reality was a bad place to live in. It was just better elsewhere. When I held the camera and took pictures, I am looking into someone else's life and privy to personal emotions. Usually it wasnt that easy. But if I am lucky, and if they are willing to share, I see beautiful and terrible things. So if you have a choice, would you stand on this side of the lens, living the legendary life? Or on the other side, all-knowing to the best kept secrets of the world?

2011-02-24T23:15:00.002+10:30

been to UniSA for Orientation, which is only a little useful. Got my student ID, dealt with the email problem. Walked around the campus, which is amazingly beautiful.Gonna upload some photos once I taken them. Starting classes next week and I am really excited.

Met some people from the journalism course and they were awesome people. I half expected myself to be a total dork who found herself being just an anti-social freak. But I worry too much. This isnt the same as high school. I do have an exciting week coming up. And maybe making plans for an exciting and busy year. But till anything else happens, Im just gonna hold my judgement.

Met up with most friends whom I knew in Adelaide and I knew we would be in more close contact than last year. Even though none of them are in the same uni as me, not even within close proximity. Not to mention it would be much more difficult to get them out. 29.5 contact hours. I really do pity them. I wouldnt use the word "busy" on myself anymore. Still, regular catch-ups are a must.

I guess I shouldnt judge. Well I never judged anyone that I've just met. But when rumours start to fly, it is hard to try not to judge, or at least have prejudices in the first place. I dont know about most things, especially not in details. And I most not want people to think I am a two-faced person. Just find it hard to not feel empathy when hearing both sides of the story, where personally I avoid the "who's fault is this" question.

Blah...

2011-02-22T01:19:00.003+10:30

ok before I plough through uni work. There is one more event I attend in the academic life of high school.

The IB Merit Award 2010 held on 21 Feb 2011 in Adelaide Town Hall. I attended with my parents and met fellow classmates as well as respectable teachers from my high school.
So here is my recount of the event.

So I stepped into the building in my overdressed outfit that failed to keep me warm in the blasting air-conditioners. I looked around and I was early. Fellow classmates, or comrades, arrived in equal dress sense. The sorority remained strong with warm hugs and avoiding gazes, and one leftout. Before the ceremony officially begun and after allocating seats, spent time with a nodding boy that almost fell asleep. Talk about being unfriendly.

Fortunately speeches were kept short and straight to the point. This is followed by awarding students with distinctions. Amidst the merit receivers, I forgot about the grace and patience I had for those who got scored higher than me. Instead I tasted the bitter in my mouth as I was a shoo-in for getting merit for my Biology. Also detest for the teacher who didnt help much while I scrape through my extended essay and TOK essay. But mostly self-detest, which is ironic for which it supposedly is a happy and glorious event. So I spent my time listening to what all recipients' future directions were. I found out nearly 80% of all recipients were into Medical courses or somewhat similar degrees. Suddenly I had a visual image of little journalist me against thousands of doctors in scrubs and holding surgery knives.

I couldnt wait to leave the stifling atmosphere in the hall, as quick as much aching feet permitted. But I was stopped by the crowd gathered near the door where parents turned into paparazzis. Sorority reigned again and I was on the steps smiling like a dork into flashing cameras, exactly like last April when I had my formal. There ends my high school life, academically and socially, all in a frozen moment in someone's camera.

2011-02-22T01:06:00.002+10:30

ok I lied. I am in a panic right now after seeing the coursework for merely two of my subjects this upcoming semester. To be fair, there arent any examinations, at least for these two subjects. But holy sweet the reading material are a load on my eyes and brain every single week. All that including questions for tutorials and massive assignments due every couple of weeks. Adding on are new quizzes. So I am required to constantly be around TV/radio, read the newspaper everyday, and try to form personal opinion on current issues. Amazing. It is ON, baby!

cold sweat breaking.

2011-02-21T15:34:00.002+10:30

I used to be D for disciplined. And I used to be O for organized. But now I'm just D and O, for disorganized.

Uni officially starts for me next week and I have no yearning to hit the books yet. Not to mention problems with my school email. But I've got a laid-back attitude about all these, not worrying about it until it actually hits me, which is not right now. I am starting to think the chilled lifestyle here isnt a great thing anymore. Or maybe I should just start with tidying up my room. Or maybe redeco. Meh.

You know how in the movies they always put like a red ferrhing or some premonition scene where it foreshadows what is coming up next? sort of to build the anticipation. Well it is kinda like right now before I enter uni. But this is not a movie and the probability of me turning into some hotshot journalist? come on, be seriously. That only adds to the pressure. And no matter how many people told me I am going to be awesome (or how lucky I can choose to do what I like), its becomes a ticking tock whenever I'm not working hard. For example, now. Instead of reaching for my French book or reading something intellectually challenged, my brain has been in rusting mode for nearly 2 months. OOOOH this is what happened to me before my exams last year! Damn.

So after reading some awesome articles on the internet, which I can't help myself but to compare. I feel like a complete shithead for being so naive. Maybe I'll only write up articles that half of it consists of quotes by super important people which I copied from articles written by others.

I think I need to stop saying overrated-and-overused words, for a start. Like "like", "dude" (although this is awesome), "awesome", "great". Although these bring back good memories but they are uninformative and set down men's culture evolution by 50 years.

2011-02-18T23:30:00.002+10:30

i havent had such an intelligent conversation for a long time. no offense. well it'ss not like its academically-orientated but it's definitely more informative, which when compared to the usual catch-up with friends that are more likely to be filled with emotions and random fun nicks.

Landing here in Adelaide has a familiar touch. like most, some parts changed. some parts didnt. which is mostly good. I can say I would hardly miss this place. It's a city with bountiful of stories and nameless beautiful strangers. Hardly home. Hardly comfortable. So when I jumped on my couch and fell asleep on a breezy afternoon, the only sanctuary within miles, not even the loudest noise could wake me up. I remembered an article written by someone else who, similarly, is an overseas student. Confused is an understatement. There is an identity as much as the lack of it, being an international student. You found yourself belonging to none of these places and yet traces of both are blossoming within every word and action. Let's not answer the non-technical question of WHO AM I? now.

Change seen from the eyes of old friends? Maybe yes. To some, no. Meh. Who cares when I dont care. Let's be honest.

Found myself overwhelmed by the exciting vibe of starting uni, fear for starting in a new environment, eagerness in meeting new people and acting like a responsible adult, and shitting myself in the pants for not being organised enough. They told me to breathe but since when I've listened to anyone. ok except a couple of people. But I've got a couple more weeks to get myself in the study zone and start hitting the books again. Did I mention French is a subject for my course?

So, before i start changing the world (writing this down to remind myself to not lose the very intention of choosing this course, this path), I need a couple of ingredients to get myself prepare. Tons of courage and inspirations. Work it dude, work it hard.

The Call - Regina Spektor

2011-02-15T01:26:00.002+10:30

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry

I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never
Been this way before

All you can do is try to know
Who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye

******************************************************************************

please

2011-02-14T01:35:00.005+10:30

this is the best summer i've ever had.
moments that define you.
moments that will not make you regret.
moments where no explanations are needed.
moments that you know where true friendship lies.
moments of plain freakin' awesomeness.
moments you wish you were here.
moments where all the cliche words make a comeback.
moments of understanding.
moments that you wish there was more of them.

2011-02-12T22:45:00.002+10:30

annoying toddlers

enchanting GD&T.O.P.

smart sesame seed

stinky wavy hair

stop food. seriously.

2011-02-08T20:41:00.003+10:30

i havent had a lot of things in mind to write. usually there is a huge rush of ideas and emotions that trigger my writing but not today. and not for a couple of weeks already. but basically what is going on around is Chinese New Year! This year i have a special friend joining us for CNY.

She actually made me felt that im half-aussie now. Was talking to a friend today and was on the topic of second-rate citizen, which i am no matter where i am. still i happened to call myself a half-aussie today without considering much. maybe my subconscious is hitting more closer to truth than i realised. 0.0 Maybe i shouldnt need to be so conscious or draw a clean straight thick line between who i am and where im from.

got my first birthday present already. Thanks Tan!!!! loud and clear!
I havent started on it but the first chapter sounds interesting enough: Life Is A Bitch, Drink It Up. yea its my style but why do i need this book? Meaning I have got more to explore in this book.

Best part of all is I like how CNY stops the rain from coming down. It rained heavily the week before and today, in between no. Maybe there is a weather god, highly doubting.

So im officially heading back to Adelaide on the 16th and starting uni on the 28th. sent Rae off today and it felt sooooo close to getting back to studying and on a new track of life: university where everyone is officially legal to gamble, drive and drink. sort of a combo of freedom and energy spasming throughout the uni days. i think i can smell the hormones and dreams. a place where we less hate our subjects. a place where putting one step ahead of another consists of meaning and not routine. the good part is that we can make new friends.

the bad part? we have to leave the old ones.

on my recommendation

2011-02-05T19:17:00.000+10:30

2011-02-04T13:27:00.002+10:30

2011-02-01T15:48:00.004+10:30

you know what my biggest problem is?
i havent changed at all. all the emotion and the effort for trying so hard to make things go the way i want them to be and when it doesnt work, im seriously pissed off like no other. crazily i try hard everytime but stupidly assuming everyone would be the same as me, putting the same amount of effort as me. this i called the disappointment of the year, and the year is still long to go. i guess some things you cant define. and life isnt as clear as those American dramas, and certainly not everything is resolved within one episode (that i know). words and emotions dont seem to go together most of the time and you find yourself wondering why misunderstandings are always easy to create and mess up to the point there's no return. bearing the grudge is no simple matter and most of the time it is easier to just let go. scratch that, easier to just leave it aside momentarily until the outburst. kinda like a sleeping volcano, except no amount of high-speed technology can predict when it will erupt.

so yes currently im 45 minutes away from town and nobody would ever know how important it means for me to travel a long distance just so i could meet them for one last time. i said i was stupid already.

eat eat

2011-01-29T00:55:00.003+10:30

i didnt know there's places like this is Malaysia.
The amount of tears and laughter tugging at heart strings in every scene. It is so familiar yet not cliches. Yes, it happens around us everyday. It's for fathers, parents, sons, daughters, women, friends, families who are not blood-related.

The plot may be not a smooth play with slightly disoriented moments. But there aren't any parallel plots so the scenes appear closely related. Small gestures of love and contentment revolving around each characters making them more human than just selling the sad dramatic scenes.

Take this movie as it is happening to loved ones around you. And let it take you back home where you find the most important things you need.

什么让你最感动？
一个好电影不是拥有最炫的器材，最棒的技巧，有名的演员，最好的剧本。。。而是如何在回归一切之后找回最初的感动。加上一句，这种感动不能煽情滥情赚热泪撒狗血。

新年最重要是团圆，现今太多人忘了最重要的不是在这一天大鱼大肉，而是围桌入席享受简简单单的家常菜。最简单的幸福是与家人团聚，却也是最难达到的事情。新年之前观赏《天天好天》让我想起我们最后的，应该拥有的，最实在的，最不该忘的，还有最爱的。

2011-01-28T02:02:00.003+10:30

i just thought of something. most of my theories, or ways of living are similar to Buddhist and Christian beliefs. except i dont know most of them.

oh i just realised: most of these theories are also ways of living that we all knew but refused to acknowledge or apply.

more later. my mum and sister are talking non-stop and its very hard to focus right now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ok apart from watching How I Met Your Mother everyday, concurrently reading House Rules by Jodi Picoult (lately being able to cover multiple plotlines, i dont know whether its a good thing or not), life is amazingly simple. what more can i want just to wake up to find massive piles of cny food that's constantly filled up in the cabinets and just waiting for cny celebrations. oh and being able to walk too.

bakgua (gone are those intentions of becoming a vegetarian), angpau, relatives over for dinner and games (not looking forward to the interrogation though), late nights, small gambling (not me, just watching is still hilarious), reading new year horoscopes with aunties, more food food food.... this time more photos too!

Barney Steinsen is the friend we all want but never had.

2011-01-26T01:54:00.002+10:30

How to spend half an hour?

Walk down pasar malam of pelangi area. i totally should have gotten my camera there because i had the best penang laksa and cendol in JB since im back. Well the ONLY penang laksa i had, but still. im very picky. Plus both came from the same stall. So i guess that's extra marks.

Jumbling along the tar road are various different stalls, the only place in fact to see a stall selling goldfish opposite a fishmonger. Kinda like a horror show for the goldfishes. A place where you indulge your senses in the weirdest combination. Smells of the following appears in chronological order: fishy seafood, penang laksa, oily but stale smell, dried cuttlefish, various chinese medicine, fried and frying chicken, more fishy smell.

And i saw purple chicken, followed by a purple mop.

i got attacked by a whole string of bags when i try to avoid the oncoming crowd. i saw an uncle who was complaining for a whole 10 minutes. Teenagers who wandered around, complaining how hot the weather is (why are you even there in the first place if you dont like it?). Best part? An auntie who tried to convince a customer by telling the customer the skin of her pomelos wouldnt be salvaged by SKII the skin product, so she would have to get it for a usual price.

Somehow all this made me feel right at home.

i sucked at writing about cultural experiences.

not going to let you off easy this time

2011-01-23T23:57:00.004+10:30

just been to and back from Bukit Jalil in Kuala Lumpur, watching Malaysia Open Badminton Super Series. Sort of supporting Datuk Lee Chong Wei as well hoping to see the fight between him and LinDan, who forfeited. Many people were shocked that i actually wanted to see a badminton match. ok i admitted i had never been an enormous fan but hello, this is Lee Chong Wei who got my mum screaming. ok seriously i had never seen a live match and that is a big FAIL mark on me as a Malaysian. and its badminton, it can never bored me, unless of course its China against China and we all know what the results are gonna be.

so up i went to taste the sweat and feel the wave of excitement and euphoria of the game, watching the match right before me surrounded by screaming fanatics. and i established a few weird conclusions:

1. we Malaysians are very patriotic especially in the arena of sports and the opponent happens to be China.

2. it seems that we are all from the same race made no difference at all.

3. sportsmanship is waaaaaay above winning the medal. watch our crowd go as Denmark player Joachim Fischer-Nielsen graciously stepped down due to an injury. as well as most fanatics love Taufik Hidayat. or how less informative we are about LinDan's injury, we chose to direct our anger at him for ruining a potentially entertaining match.

4. the reactions of badminton fanatics (at least those sitting around me, which also includes a 6-year-old boy) are no less similar to the middle-aged aunties who screamed when Taylor Lautner aka Jacob the werewolf took off his shirt during the screening of Eclipse.

5. i didnt know we had a semi-official cheerleading team that consist of men in flag-made uniforms and a gombang. and trust me they are as uplifting as those girls in miniskirts and pompoms who do flips and splits in the air.

6. despite the fact that the Malaysian government directs seemingly low funds and outrageously low significance to the sports sector of Malaysia, athletes like Lee Chong Wei still chooses to stick around not only shows that he is a good sportsman but also a great trait to his character. a moral call to our government maybe? instead of just conveniently appearing before the cameras whenever our athletes are stepping up the podium for their medals, saying we are very proud of lalala..., try channeling those bangga feeling towards practical support for Malaysian teams.

but the bizarre behaviour of our people seems to be somewhat ironic and redundant, in ways that i can only observed but not fathomed. Something as small as wishing a particular China women doubles team to win as that they can see their favourite player asap. but we always prefer Toyota over Proton dont we? Patriotism seems to only work or appear during certain situations.

Drawn into this conflict within myself, i found myself ferociously defending the best food comes only from my country, silencing myself when it comes to the ongoing Nanyang food debate between Malaysia, Indonesia and Singapore. mostly because of the fact that im busy eating and who seriously cares where it comes from when wanton mee from Johor Bahru and Pontian are already different?? Conversely i cant help myself when i scoffed at the decisions made in the political arena. Or how the government seems to believe that its people are going to lap up every word from the media and peacefully take it as the perfect explanation. But the truth is that we never truly believe anything we read and we get used to living that way. sadly we, the people, always choose to overlook the demeaning comments just because we assumed our voice will never reach the proper ear and convinced ourselves it wasnt worth the effort. and sadly we, ironically, believe the politically correct statement "it is in everyone's best interests".

One funny thing i noticed though, that we never seem to be loyal to patriotism. Case in point: i was arguing with my friend who is incidently from China. The strong expressive eyes contrasting heavily with her usual gentle features. Her voice in increasing octaves as she aggressively defended her country and justified every action of her beloved country's government (some of which i opposed in her face). seriously the moment when i criticised jokingly at how weird trees in her country grow will immediately received a lashback. well that never happened, as if i'll say something as dumb as that. hyperbole? me thinks not. the fact that Malaysians actually does know what is really going on makes us comparatively better than Chinese? me thinks not too.

maybe it isnt about how loyal you are towards your country, its how much you can give back to your country, trying to make it a better place to live for you and your family in the future. If it is said that Malaysia is contracted with a disease now, the first step would be to recognise there's a problem.

2011-01-22T00:40:00.002+10:30

men pole dancing

inspired by Dennis from China Got Talent

2011-01-21T19:11:00.003+10:30

if there's no expectations, then there wouldnt be disappointments, awkward moments, shocking moments. then you'll always be prepared. oh what the hell, what ever happened to my spontaneity, or that i promised myself to acquire?

but then again, you wouldnt jump quickly into conclusions. making judgemental comments sometimes are unfair and hurtful. that's the common thing that all my close friends have. they are usually, generally broad-minded. its really hard to convince narrow-minded people a lot of things and the conversation would easily slip into awkwardness. i am not one natural speaker in most conversations. especially not these days. i cant talk crap, weather, gossip, or pretend to be interested in anything that i actually not fond of. if i did, that would be fake, and im a lousy liar.

people wouldnt think im bad at socialising. but i totally sucked. conversation topics revolve around studies, which uni going next, gossip a little, and no more. funny thing is nobody cared. hangout and spending time together is enough, aint it? be content, be happy, be content... hypnotizing myself.

i've been spending way too much effort on thinking what others think of me. not healthy at all.

my messy thoughts of atrocities

2011-01-20T01:40:00.003+10:30

not writing as frequently these days. reading other blogs to spur myself on.

been in the house and limiting places i can go, i have a huge pending list of movies now. mostly malaysian made, or at the very least includes malaysian actors. not being patriotic. just very interesting topic. went to the TIME's list of 2010 top 10 movies, found a few i like. also its booklist, i feel a tremor running through my veins. bookworm i am.

its getting closer.

let's talk about appreciation, for it brings contentment. which makes us less demanding for things. read the lack of cheesiness here. oh and how most people forget the contentment part. i like the skyview tonight (cheesy). you like the painting. she likes her dessert. the appreciation for art, food, people, culture, time, gifts....but as the good things become the normal things, contentment levels whoosh downwards. we aim for more, we become greedy.

we forgot how we survive without our cellphones. we complain about how old-fashioned our shoes are, until we see those without feet. when we sneeze in air-conditioned blasting rooms, we forgot those who only own one pair of clothes washed and mended a million times and a million times over again. sounds cheesy? how about this: did you ever appreciate the food put on the table? did you say thanks to your mum for fetching you to school? did you stop walking, breathe, take in the beautiful scenery?

simple appreciation can go a long way. it makes a lot of things seems not so difficult anymore. not as troublesome, or painful. (ok maybe this isnt all about appreciation but try this exercise: if you are worrying about something, think how this would affect you in a year's time. Chances are, they usually dont matter so much anymore. therefore you dont worry about it anymore.)

appreciate the good things to find it's worth living. need not a purpose to live when there's deep contentment in everything you do. i usually find the things im worried about are those that i want, not those that i really need. seems inconspicuous really. but i really need something to do. sibuk, for no reason. but i really like spending time with my friends.

consumed by greed we are, being human is not an excuse.

2011-01-18T19:21:00.001+10:30

once again

im feeling better

we changed, didnt we？

2011-01-14T03:25:00.003+10:30

So we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never changed
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out 'cause we're on a different track

We would get so excited, then we'd get so scared
Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair

I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

Will we think about tomorrow when we think about now?
Can we survive it out there? Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men

VITAMIN C GRADUATION SONG FRIENDS FOREVER

nope cant really sing the chorus 'cause im not sure too.

2011-01-14T03:11:00.002+10:30

havent been writing for......almost a week?
really been through some really serious downs and therefore do not wished to ruin this area when im emotionally unstable. think the potential of a black metal rocker trashing guitars and bursting keyboards. unpredictable and unproductive.

teoh beng hock case remains an open verdict and many think getting a new jury is a delaying tactic. Friends left to continue studies. Some back for holidays. Brisbane gets flooded. Got a checkup from my doctor which lasted barely 5 minutes. Malaysian education still so disappointing that our best students are overseas. I got my uni offer.

Somewhere in the middle are horrible two days. i blame it on the hormones. and my stubbornness.

i hate people presuming things. presumptions of thoughts. i hate the overbearing control. i hate that you think you are everything. because we are of different point of views. a gulf appears and suddenly we are just a little more than strangers. as much as i repeatedly remind myself to stay positive and be content with my life, i hate there's little purpose to pursue. i can make plans and goals that i can check off the list when achieve. even when im bored with absolutely nothing to do, or im procrastinating, the action of reaching my goals in tiny tiny steps puts me in a vision that im on a road heading towards my destination where my aims taste as sweet as chocolates.

taking responsibilities for yourself is very important. the joy, successes, gifts, as well as the disappointments, risks, and failures. also the mistakes. i remembering someone telling me that if you wanna make mistakes, now (when you're young) is the time. i've been telling others ever since. especially those who are unsure of their career choices. that has some logic to it. what, you wanna wait till you're 30 to realise to dont like your job? or after you finish med school to realise cooking is your passion. choosing journalism wasnt easy. it was way out the path anyone would have expected or wanted me to take. but i want it. sounds naive. but if it becomes a nightmare, i would have to pay for it. hopefully not.

like fracturing my ankle and still wanting to walk. if i break it again, im gonna have to suffer the pain and twice the time to heal. simple. when i broke glasses when i was working part-time, one of my colleagues told me they wouldnt report it. i rejected the idea so much that eventually he reported it after my aggressive talk. except that he wrote his name instead of mine. he couldnt understand why wouldnt i be glad be rid of the trouble. i went home feeling the worst i could possibly feel. mostly guilty, but also how wrong it seems.

on the preconditions for knowing what you want and what you possess. taking responsibilities also mean bearing whatever consequences it brings. everyone knows its right. doesnt mean everyone would do it.

someone told me he wanted to be a doctor. i asked him are you sure? he wasnt very sure either but that's what he always perceived he would do, or at least under the suggestions of his loved ones. i told him medicine isnt just 7 years of med school. there need to be the passion and devotion to this sacred duty. be prepared that someone may die under your meticulous care, for reasons med school didnt teach. there is a line as to how much you can mentally get involved. or you could be treating flu and fever sniffling patients whole day. i didnt try to scare him off this career. it might be his, he'll know one day.

most people doesnt know. that's because they havent found it yet.

i know that perhaps one day i might be thrown into jail, put on house arrest, get shot, contract diseases, tortured, etc for what i write. but i'll take my chances. not because im selfish and ambitious in getting my dream job (who wants to be at a place where you cant shower for a week?), worrying my family in the process, but just saying i know what i'll choose when the time comes. and taking responsibility for my decision.

to quote a real life mental Hercules: be strong

2011-01-08T02:04:00.003+10:30

i did the previous post in mandarin chinese. just because it will sound really really corny and insincere if its english. no im serious. perhaps im not capable enough.

people face challenges everyday. but we usually dont recognised them. we see them as tragedies, unfairness, bad luck, a devious plot, curse....u name it.

its bad. it sucks. the feeling is the worst you can ever imagine you would get. probably even more. it can be a bad choice, a breakup, a failed test, a disappointment. some choose to cry it over, drink it down, dance it away, complain, hurt themselves, etc. does it work? do we really feel much better?

chances are, when we are done with showing others how miserable we feel and finally get some alone time, only the worst feeling hits us when we are lying on our beds. its horrible. the uncertainty of whether it will ever become better overwhelms us, kicking us in the gut. no shit.

its alright. its perfectly fine. sometimes even fear is present. its normal.

yes im saying its ok to be over-your-head depressed. but just for one day. sleep. wake up. the problem didnt solve itself miraculously overnight (of course it wouldnt). face it. breathe. face it again. breathe. facing it isnt so hard anymore.

sometimes it just takes breathing to get over things. sometimes it just takes waking up.

给你要好好对自己

2011-01-08T01:49:00.002+10:30

要勇敢
要知道有很多
让你失去信心的话
让你怀疑自己能力的状况
让你不再相信的人
让你迷失自我的诱惑

将困境以挑战看待
那些话变成锻炼耐力的器具
那些状况变成发现自我的游乐场
那些人让你发现谁才是真正的朋友
那些诱惑之让你变更坚强

真金不怕火炼
我也有火眼金睛
我看得见谁是真金谁是假钻
还有谁在被豪雨洗涤之后闪闪发光
写那么多只想说我眼光很好
因为我相信

也许你不是我以前认识的那个你
也许我从来都没有真正认识你
也许我们都变了
可是现在我相信
你会发光
而且是用自己的力量

加油

2011-01-06T16:30:00.003+10:30

HeNan officials mocked at a female protester as she was crushed to death in her efforts to stop the government river project.

Chinese version here
English version here

The official was accused of his indifferent behaviour along with the other workers on site. However the allegations were denied by the government while it was said that the women had fallen onto the path of the vehicle by accident.

one video showed that one official said (and translated) the following: "Let there be crushed one, or two. Even 8 of 9. Let's see if there's anymore protests."
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Yes there would be plenty of cases like this. Where the bourgeois people will never have enough money to make a stand for their case in courts. Where officials and governments will use their power to make victims and the media to keep mum about the news. Whenever such a case spins out of control once in awhile, a scapegoat is used to appease the society's anger.

But that doesnt mean its right.

One life is taken and no one's to be blame. ok, just to focus on this one case. No one really knows what happened, because sometimes the media does not report the matter close to truth. Furthermore, how did the women fell, whether the official did make such an opinion, no one really knows. But doesnt this shows there's really a problem?

Be it a social problem, where everyone fears to speak their mind. Be it a country's problem, where its government has its hands on economic welfare and no protection for its people. But there is a problem that has been ignored for decades. And the weirdest thing? No one wants to change that.

Funniest part is the next page news title: China turning into a high-speed transit city.

Do we really want to become Pierrot?

2011-01-06T16:00:00.004+10:30

Pierrot the "sad clown". Known distinctive characteristic as naivete.

flipping through the newspaper today, and its kinda hard to miss the whole Teoh Beng Hock incident. Logic is at extreme need here.
not sure its suicide, not sure its homicide, but let us just dismiss the possibility of both and make it an open verdict. Just because we dont want anymore people to get hurt.

anyone can see that is the most ridiculous verdict of the year (and the year is still long to go). the basic idea of dismissing a statement when in fact there is uncertainty, is confounding. We all know whenever there is uncertainty, it calls for room for argument and further discussion. We cant dismissed the whole thing just because of external power or lack of manpower to investigate further. That's just lame excuses

I think at times like this we really need more people and voices to stand up to this whole fiasco. And doesnt mean we would allow them to simply find a scapegoat to settle this matter. When there is truth that is waiting to be discovered, and if we still settle for some partially hidden storyline, we are real idiots then.

Funnily enough, some people already think we are idiots. They think they can hide forever. Maybe we should make this clear: we are not looking for someone to be responsible for this incident, but instead the real problem that lies behind all these scandalous reports that show the character of our so-called power hand. It really shows how our country is like.

2011-01-05T15:53:00.002+10:30

sometimes the hardest thing is to feel happy for someone. especially when said someone is under the circumstances of being known as a better candidate yet you're not very close to her. confusing?
ok rewind.

she is a known top student. she is not only academically talented, but also sings very well, acts very well, oh and has photographic memory. so of course when she gets the top score in the whole state, you'll feel proud for your school. except i dont like my school very much.

moreover she isnt a close friend, wait scratch that, a classmate would be much more appropriate. if she's a close friend of mine, i would be over the moon and honestly proud of her. but i hardly feel anything except 'wow'. 0.0 call me jealous. envious. whatever. i knew she put enormous effort into it and she's brilliantly intelligent. what else can i say, except congratulations?

just putting out there that i am a little bit selfish. i cant refrain myself from thinking this way. i sure can acknowledged her work and achievements. but that is all. It's a complex emotion yet to be analysed.

2011-01-04T18:49:00.002+10:30

so hard to look on the bright side.....

and i just got my results back. when everyone is hanging online last night waiting for emails, im sleeping soundly in my bed. i really thought i'll get it on the 6th. apparently not.

fb status updates, emails, renren messages from friends....finally checked my mail and there it was, the scary report of my 2-year course.

it was what i expected and im quite satisfied with it. except for my Bio, got a 6 when i aimed for a 7. Totally shocking! I think its the lowest i've got for my Bio out of 2 years. Anyway, really happy for my other subjects. Still think Walford needs a replacement for TOK teacher. but...

who cares, im heading into uni next year.

\m/ rock on 2011

2011-01-03T19:24:00.004+10:30

look on the bright side. think positive. imagine the silver lining, the silver shiny lining.

on the first day of new year, i got hit by a soccer ball, courtesy of someone who never should touch one. i think i know what concussion feels like. my specs senget, its ok, i was going to the optometrist anyway.

minutes later, stepped on uneven ground and sprained my ankle. it was pretty much like last time when i sprained my other one. i really couldnt speak, but what the hell. the next day the pain got worse. my ankle swollen like 2 eggs stuck onto the sides.

and today went to see the doctor. im officially a cast-a-way women.

not to mention im allergic to the painkillers and now my swollen eyes made me looked like Frankenstein. i can truly appreciate my beauty when i finally recover i guess.

so no getting out of the house for one week, cast on for two weeks, no vigorous exercise or driving for 3 weeks. have to postpone my driving test and let's see, oh by the time it will be Chinese New Year and yet again another year without driver's license. ooooo i can finally ask people to fetch me around. but have to get through pain to get this? maybe not so worth it...

but at the very least its not permanent. on crutches is a whole new experience. i get to strengthen my arms too, maybe i can finally do that breaking move i always wanted to try, but had always failed because of my weak and flabby arms.

self-reminder: you are not allowed to bring your emotions to a lower level. never!

2011-01-02T03:32:00.001+10:30

catching up is never easy.

twisting an ankle is never easy too. yet somehow it always happens to me.

define friends please, someone.

2010-12-31T13:37:00.003+10:30

2010. 2011.
the whole new-year-new-resolutions thing never appeal to me much. so the first day of new year most likely would feel like any other normal day to me. i highly doubt there would be a new beginning feeling.

well for one thing, i would to be grateful for the year. it is also one of the most important thing i've learnt this year.

i knew i didnt care much, not a fan for socialising in the previous years. i was a teenager and i didnt like to do what i dont want to do. its normal that im a total selfish person who doesnt have a care for the world and have no intention in changing that. But changes do happen. People change. Forced to change. But i wouldnt regret or change any decisions i've made this year.

I've learnt myself much more and what I can do for those who I care, playing a small part in changing this world. I've learnt what are the most important things and how to make decisions according to them. I've learnt to let go. I've learnt to be braver. I've learnt to treat myself a whole lot better in a more positive way.

I appreciate myself for who I am and what I can do, and grateful for this given talent. I appreciate my family who taught me the true meaning of giving, as well as bringing trust to a whole new level. Also I am simply grateful for the fact that I can talk to them much more freely than before. I appreciate all the support and laughter my friends gave me. I am grateful towards the people who taught me various things throughout the year, mostly unknowingly.

Cherish every time you spent with your loved ones.

Live now, not for yesterday, nor for tomorrow, never for someday.

Most of all, love all you can.

2010-12-31T13:07:00.002+10:30

The role wanted by all ballerinas, White Swan in Swan Lake. Nina (Natalie Portman) is the perfect role for the White Swan. However she faces challenges as she is required to play the Black Swan as well. Facing the possibility that her role and her teacher-cum-crush (Vincent Cassel) might be taken away by the more sensual Lily (Mila Kunis). Her endless torture in-play between her rebellious side and her craving for perfectionism, under suffocating pressure from her mother, causing her to reach towards her darker side.

I dont remember watching any films by Natalie Portman that made a strong impression, but this one really blew the rest out of the water. The vulnerability and fear stemmed from her controlling mother, resulting in Nina spinning wildly out of control with her illusions, these truly showing the extent of Portman's amazing and meture performance. The sensual and guile opposite played by Kunis suddenly turns more into a symbol and catalyst for the change in the character of Nina. Another shining performance standing out is Cassel, who played Nina's object of affection and dependence. Moving smoothly in between the authority power of a teacher and crossing the line towards a symbol for sexual desire, such conflict seems to play well with French actor Cassel.

Most scenes in this movie depicts sexual themes and acts of violence, usually self-induced. The symbols werent immediately recognised in the plot but slowly revealed itself as the story edges onwards on the boundaries. This keeps the audiences guessing. Stealing and murder drove by ambition, jealousy, deliberate rebel against high pressure, the self-protection we all have.....the tension goes rollercoasting and moments of confusion and realization alternating throughout the film. The horror itself shocks you tight in your seat and leaving you with one question when its finished: what would you do if it was you?

2010-12-31T02:59:00.003+10:30

today i learnt something very important.

i am not a firm believer of any religion. its very hard for me to have the concept of there is someOne of a higher power holding our fate, basically invincible. or that He is the determinant or reason for any sort of situation that happens. pardon me for saying this and i know its sounds shallow, but it is honestly how i feel and the doubt will always be there in my mind shouting at me during religious occasions.my ignorance. this doesnt mean i dont respect religions or their believers.

but i saw how powerful religion can be today.

Raymond invited me to his church youth group for a countdown gathering. There was 30 other people i dont know. But the laughter never stop. Nobody knew us (the first-timers) but they were equally welcoming to all. Not once i felt any hostility or the feeling that I was out-of-place. Im not promoting or saying how good it is. But for once, a group of young people gathered in one place where you instantly feel the love and respect, as well as the faith towards God. Not once I hear any judgement calls. And there wasnt any hard selling of Christianity.

We played games. We sang. We pray for those going away. I met an old school friend. I made new friends. I saw juniors who scared the hell out of me...oops erm, scared me alot. damn geng. I had new respect for my friend. And i repeat again, there wasnt any judgement.

I can really tell the difference. As mentioned in previous posts, the crowd or people that i hang out with in Adelaide gives me uncomfortable vibes. Well long long ago I was in a circle of friends who were quite judgemental as well. Now I still do that first impression scanning thing but im learning not to judge people so soon. Im not saying its a bad thing, but it definitely narrowed our visions and made us treat people badly. Everyone was doing it doesnt mean its the right thing to do. Trust me i know the feeling when someone is judging you, some do it right in my face. It is not a good feeling at all.

But this also makes you into someone who always think she/he is being judged, therefore care too much about what other people think. This draws people farther apart and hostility is the next step. It only brings on pressure and less happiness on yourself. Applied this to racism, its also the same case. M think, come here steal my land and women, I cant wait for you to ciao back home. C think, ALL of you hate us so much so i hate back, plus you so lousy never make enough money. Then M think again, wa you hate me so much ar i hate right back at you. Then we hate each other for 4 generations, and still counting. How kelian and waste of time and energy.

anyway far-fetched already. So my point is it is very rare that there is a place for free expression and genuine care for each other. And so im very fortunate to have a chance to join and see for my eyes that love without boundaries and judgement can truly exist. How i wish it is the same everywhere, then we wouldnt have to worry about war and all those crappy things.

What i experienced today is more than friendship. There is a close knitted relationship that is not only without judgement but also acceptance. Things that you usually find it only in families. oh correction, some families. It is very likely a bond that is yearned by many. However, it is a pity that not many realised that. Because at the very least, its long-term and trustworthy, and supportive too.

Actually things can be as simple as that.

CoolBlog review

2010-12-30T00:19:00.011+10:30

What i am about to show here is definitely not new, but it is uniquely local. Since the trend of bubble milk tea from Taiwan (some say Hong Kong too), similar drinks and businesses are robust on local market, evolving to the great variety (some more suiting to our tastebuds) that we see today. One that is definitely gaining popularity is...

CoolBlog!! over 90 stores across Malaysia and Singapore in most shopping areas, so availability isnt a problem. Always focusing on providing the highest quality possible and being on-the-trend to suit the latest preference on the market, so taste quality and hygiene, check.

more than 25 flavours and always ready to mix-and-match. im actually eager to try that next time i go to City Square. just add 50c for each flavour you add. also can kurang manis for a healthier option XD

the bestseller - chocolate blog. i can understand, who can resist chocolate? im a chocolate lover and this passed the test, although i wouldnt add any topping, just to keep the taste original. RM 1.80++

otherwise add oreo!! the best combination with chocolate! haha actually its originally oreo blog, then you can add different flavour such as coffee, peppermint, vanilla, strawberry.... RM3.00 (plain oreo blog) RM3.50 (added flavour, 50c per flavour)

here's my personal favourite: strawberry yogurt blog with cincau.RM3(without topping) sweet, very lady's drink. the surprising thing is the cincau. the cincau i usually eat is slice thinly, much easier to suck up the straw. some i cant even suck up properly. CoolBlog's quite thick too (true the straw is larger), but this i can suck up so easily. haha one of the little things that made my day.

so here's the toppings, 60c each. black pearl, apple jelly, rainbow jelly, lychee jelly, grape jelly, orange jelly and cincau.
drinks without ice/less ice add 50c
add extra milk add 50c
topping of black pearl/jelly add 60c
add flavour add 50c per flavour

here's the specialties im talking about

cendol blog RM 2.80 cendol replaced with apple jelly, which is a fresh take. dont really like it that much, as much as the taste is similar. if compared with usual takeaway cendol, the price would be slightly higher for the same taste, even there is a proper cup this time.

volcano milk tea RM 2.50 .bottom gula melake (like!), condensed milk, topped of with tea. too sweet for me so im gonna call a kurang manis here
Other local taste blog include space blog, bandung blog, ABC blog, etc....

Overall i think the take-out concept is really convenient and comparatively the prices are very reasonable, some would even say cheap! Those who love bubble tea or challenging new tastes should consider taking membership. The taste would probably be too sweet for my liking and those health-conscious ones. But they are inventing new flavours every few months so they would be glad to take in any comments here.

Many thanks to Mr. Yeoh for all of the information.
Also thanks to Feeq

2010-12-28T22:30:00.005+10:30

if one day we lose our minds
our souls
our aims
just like we lost our dreams
then find a quiet spot
start with dreaming again

i remember when i was 1 year old,
i was scared by anything bigger than me.
now i face them, no matter how big and scary they are,
as long as my feet are planted firmly on the ground,
i know i wouldnt lose myself.

when i was 8,
i was scared by loud voices, how hard i stuck my finger in my ears to block them out.
now my fingers rest by my side
ears hearing stories, unpleasant and all.

one day i will accept myself as weak, unrealistic, stupid, unsuccessful.
but hopefully im happy
im a hopeless utilitarian.
i wouldnt know how much one needs to do to make this world a better place to live,
or when there will be peace, equality, increase life quality, no more diseases....
my power is small yet not insignificant
but i will regret if i never even try.

dedicated to the all-time lovers

2010-12-28T22:15:00.002+10:30

Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ooh ooh ooh

They dont know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Everytime we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again

Lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

Lucky - Jason Mraz ft. Colbie Cailat

2010-12-27T02:16:00.001+10:30

I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do - Edward Everett Hale

2010-12-27T02:07:00.001+10:30

what is the best way to entertain yourself when you are surrounded by couples?

2010-12-26T02:36:00.002+10:30

X: so....journalist
X: journalist
X: so what you wanna do? newspaper?
me: yea magazine also possible
X: photography can? u like?
me: ya
X: can ask Y, or Z. they will tell you............... (endless suggestions)
me: o, am doing research lo.
X: can go do course...
me: i know
X: then language? ok?
me: erm...okok lo
X: then pay how much?
me:.......

not i want to say arrrrr........u know passion or not, doctor???

nice language here? how about poor education that only teaches people to aim results and not dreams? there isnt any less realistic about having a job you actually like, however much people thinks its impossible. really hate to just give up when we didnt even try.

what is really the point of having prizes like, Best School, Best Overall Results, Best Performance/Improvement? on the surface we see them having positive competition among schools. when the truth becomes schools selecting potential students by having interviews, teachers giving up on students who have a lower average point, schools "encouraging" students who have poor results to leave the school, teachers having different attitudes towards according to their results?

since when is school not an educational precinct, but a competitive arena for youngsters where dreams are shut down in an early age. and we say kids nowadays have no imagination.

2010-12-25T01:46:00.002+10:30

i have nothing to worry about. its the ultimate carefree moment because im always careful. too careful. there's no surprises at the end, nothing without previous planning. my life was, is and will be that way.

how predictable.

but people come and go. change. anything happens. how am i always above, never touching, never bothering. i feel a Edward Scissorshand seclusion.

behave. or there's no Christmas prezzie this year. but what happens when you cant handle? when something that has always been there, now gone? people left, walk away, change...disappear. leaving only memories which you hopelessly cling on.

the scary part is, its only as thin as a string.

2010-12-21T17:05:00.001+10:30

imagine its your wedding, but the music at the restaurant is the "happy birthday" song.

cheese on fish pooh

2010-12-20T01:45:00.003+10:30

best thing about relatives? they are naturally noisy and give you the best environment for quiet thoughts, until they interrupt you.

to quote Wilde in The Importance of Being Earnest,
" Relations are simply a tedious pack of people, who haven't got the remotest knowledge of how to live, nor the smallest instinct about when to die."

as i was happily sniffling away questions kept popping in my face. actually bombarding, my sis, my bro and i. my sis n i took most of the herd anyway, since my bro was ver well-known for not speaking much. let me just put it out there first that the whole chunk of convo requires high skills and techniques to make it funny, also mentioning that the responses usually make one jumps on the table with bubbling anger.

first they attacked on appearance and assumed that potatoes are the main culprit of my weight and face. fine....this i biasa edi (notice my language is getting coarse here). then they said cheese and the food that is lousy there. ok, this is partially true. seafood and italian and greek gfoos are actually not bad there. my fav restaurant is greek Zoe's. then proceeded to sandwiches and how they (or in their terms CHINESE) cannot take too much. how can i suggest that we are not ignorant at all? finally they said something about cheese on fish. i tuned out of the convo.
yes, there might be cheese on fish somewhere....loved even....but are you kidding me?

luckily im delirious, otherwise i'll walk away and continue this ridiculous convo with someone else. smiling.

and bloody hell for the last time, going overseas to study doesnt mean we're freaking rich! and dont keep saying angmoh angmoh like they invaded your home. till you've actually seen it, dont say it! im not going to bother with explanations this time. this doesnt make us less hardworking or dedicated with what we are doing. some perceptions people have is........well rich, when it comes from a father who did send his youngest son overseas to study, yet never visit him once.

oh how extraordinary when my 15-year family doctor suggested dentist as a future career option for me. no wait, doctor for me, dentist my bro. when i said journalist, he said Afghanistan (partly true) and world famous (for what? thrown in jail was what he had in mind, not pretty). i said my mum is seriously more scared than me.

nostalgia move

2010-12-17T01:04:00.003+10:30

what i love about malaysia part 2

the variety of food
the taste of growing up

new and old everything in the noisy streets or air-conditioned pretty shops. starting my tour since i've came back to JB. most i get to take pictures but some i didnt get to. here's a couple that i didnt manage to take photos but still get on top of my food list.

MEE REBUS @ PP Food Corner, Jln Kelewang, Tmn Sri Tebrau.
using the authentic cooking style of mashing pumpkin to make the sauce. never been a fan for this too common Malay dish, but this one tops the rest (not that rest is a lot XD)
this one is very close as well, on the same block actually.
飘香 Piao Xiang @ Kim Kee Huat Food Corner, corner of Jln Badik and Jln Keris, Tmn Sri Tebrau
claypot rice there is the best and so hard to get a seat. apparently they've been in the newspapers because of the arrogant attitude of the boss. totally my kind of style. anyway try their soup as well.
next to it is kuay teow gia, equally good as the one outside my house.

another is Queen Park @ Tmn Perling. the big hawker centre that have absolutely eveything. also my family's favourite hawker, been there for most big occasion celebrations. delicacies include the cooked seaham, ikan bakar (spicy BBQ stingray), XO BBW chicken wings, satay....and many others, but these are the few i always eat.
oh the memories....

the best thing is also the crackers and little snacks that can be bought at most sundry shops. those that i've eaten since i was....4?

potong ice-cream neh....Jom makan!

2010-12-16T01:12:00.002+10:30

just went and tortured myself by reading other people's blogs. well not all made me feel inadequate but some yea, that's why i refuse to read them when im in exceptionally low or high mood, just in case it ruined everything. but obviously today im delirious.

sourly watching their perfect lives unfold into not overly explicit descriptions like some others which simply spelt "look at me,oh look at me!". i gotta admit their have fucking perfect lives. firstly it isnt how good their lives are, its how normal they actually are and how good they made it seems. secondly, massive amount of photos spilling all over the place, which managed to annoy me somehow. staring, blinking into the camera lens.

never underestimate these people. if you do, you'll just find yourself lying face down on some pavement with you showing your high-waisted knickers in full view of everyone. the ultimate embarrassment.

or you can also stand up and keep walking with head held high. remembering never to trip over the ridiculous high heels again.

at least im not forcing my own rules onto them, branding them skanky or slutty or any bad "s" word you can think of. unlike someone else. i'd rather save my breath on other things that are much more important, like shoes. LOL.
to laugh at one self is never an easy thing to do. dont try it without adult supervision. better yet, dont try it at all.

sigh, i just love eating sour apple zombie candy with my sister at 11pm. the randomness of events.

2010-12-16T00:56:00.001+10:30

sick the whole day.

lately im so impressed with the face expressions people give me when they heard im doing journalism. word check: going to do journalism

peace out.

2010-12-15T00:22:00.002+10:30

当我们在分岔路口选择不同的路时，会不会离对方越来越远？

有些人会频频回头，好像遗失了一件很贵重的东西。
有些人根本不会回头，也不想回头，眼睛锁定重点目标一并地往前冲。
有些人越活越精彩，为了下一次的见面累积愉快的回忆，准备分享。
有些人完全放纵，失去自我。

你是哪一个？想做哪一个？
两个问题其实很不一样，往往想做却最缺乏勇气，那么这个时候能怎么办？

不过回到最初的问题：会不会离对方越来越远？
两颗心的距离是不是到了需要呐喊才听得见，还是完完全全的背靠背眼神的方向已经不一样。。。还是仍然拥有最熟悉的味道，一遍一遍的心安，暖暖涌心头。

我们都希望最好的结果不是吗？

2010-12-14T00:54:00.003+10:30

是不是有些事情不说的好

当一切变得清清楚楚时，我们忘了最初的情感。
当人的真面目被揭开时，他或她不是你想得那样，一个你不能接受的那样。。。
所以我们
变成两个人
连遗憾生气安慰都显得多余
信任不见了
关系不见了
两人变了

只是可怕的是
回忆还在
怎么可以统统忘记统统释怀
呵呵
好像连原谅都是奢望
保持联络也是奢望

2010-12-13T23:15:00.002+10:30

take a look in the latest TIME magazine article on Julian Assange and his revolutionary website that is shifting paradigms in the political and social arenas.

for those who doesnt know about J. Assange and the recent controversial events that shook interrelationships between important countries, here's the basic overall deal: Assange, founder of Wikileaks, released classified information across his website htat could cause "serious damage to national security" (as deemed by U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton). Sweden put out an arrest warrant for Assange, accusing him of rape, who later was caught in UK. Yet Assange still defends his idea of attaining accessability of secretsby the public, that some secrets are not meant to be kept and strongly encourage transparency of the government work. This is one of the concepts that lies closely to that of Obama presented when he first obtain the position of president of America. However the latest leaks does not seem to have a direct impact as the previous revelation of American soldiers atrocious behaviour in Iraq. This one seems to be more on attacking the relationships between powerful figures in various countries, such as U.S., China, Saudi, Singapore.

but what remains in constant disturbing notion is this whole fiasco of events reveals the every-year-seemingly-blurred line of what to be kept classified and the whole security system in this tech-savvy world. At times keeping out chunks of information, like in China and South Korea, might be a whole lot easier that keeping people accessing certain classified information. This is exceptionally true on the web. At the rate and amount of information exchange today, the task seems almost impossible. Where we have developed, the law and management team seems less qualified to control such a situation where data overruns every millisecond. Not to mention the amount of irrelevant people who have access to certain classified files, sometimes without passing the security check. See the Bradley Manning case http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/world/us-soldier-bradley-manning-held-claims-he-leaked-wikileaks-collateral-murder-video/story-e6frev0i-1225876484246

but the question here is: what defines as a secret? how much needs to be release by the government to the public in order to gain (enough) trust? what can or cannot be released and who decides that? we see Assange playing the determinator here holding the power of releasing classified information by most governments. But on another view, websites like Wikileaks will exist no matter what. There will always be someone out there to exposed secrets that never should be told, and who is to say which should remain a secret? always remember too many secrets is never a good thing.

some may argue that some things are better off not said. those that can spark a war, threaten border issues, trigger ethnic and racial tension, etc....those that have the potential of creating an issue that would end in bloodshed. but this points into another direction, highlighting problems that are waiting to be solve. i suggest these countries to seek the real problem and solve it, instead of pointing the gun towards the messenger.

Step Up 3D

2010-12-13T00:07:00.003+10:30

finally watched this on the airplane back home. best scenes the first and second battle with the use of dust and water to increase the spectators' visual impact. alas, the romance is just too much. was looking forward to the ballroom dancing, ended up the cute little street tap dance with a broadway feel made me fell in love with Adam Sevani.

too many hots guys to tear my eyes away from this one.

i wish i had a space like the stereo room. perfect surrounding sound. Jon M. Chu definitely made a revolution in the film industry by creating the best dance movie sequeal in the 21st century. totally dancing with the soundtrack right now. recommend 4 all the lies by Kaye Styles ft. Lisha.

2010-12-11T01:44:00.003+10:30

i almost forgot what was it like to laugh without fears of judgement. (amazing night with really cool people, jokes all around that made me cry...)

never judge people of their appearances, they are always deceiving. （2 men came up asking whether you are lonely or not in the middle of the night is kinda scary. apparently they are working tourists. remind self to stay calm whenever things like this happen.)

try to love surprises, they tend to throw you off balance but always catch you again. (ooo scandals, gossips, itchy inside news always managed to satisfy my kaypoh thirst. come on, as if you never kaypoh other people's business before...)

things will never go back to what it was, but it doesnt mean it will always turn out to be worse. (hugs to all my best friends, who showed me when time and people move forward and scenes changed, we are still together, accepting who we are and each other for the better.)

appreciate everything, even a scar, an illness, or an enemy. because whatever that doesnt kill you makes you stronger. (my idol is my grandma. next up is my mom. both showing extreme perseverance and patience in life, whatever they might face.)

learn, always. (just dont kill yourself along the way.)

2010-12-09T00:50:00.002+10:30

second day back in msia. last night was too tired after letting the whole world know that im back. yes im that self-absorbed. sometimes.

reasons that i love home, Johor Bahru:

my grandma and her smells of ointment

simple dishes like stir-fried potato leaves

the au-naturale buzz in the city with some retro-feel thrown in the mix (too bad i didnt bring my camera)

the incredible mix of cultures that only Malaysian know how to (walk behind a bunch of Singaporeans today, totally saw the difference, no offence)

the social class (not that its a good thing)

needless to say better radio stations (well Singapore's anyway)

my uber-cute niece (more photos soon)

close friends that never forget how to have fun

finally someone get my humour!

the a-little-tad-late notion that we all seems to possess, at least at one time or another

with all enthusiasm of the world, we head to sleep.

honorary member of what?

2010-12-06T23:25:00.003+10:30

incidently tonight is the 2010 Walford Speech Night, also my last night here in Adelaide before i venture into the hectic but wanted-by-all lifestyle of uni.

despite the usual things that YOU would expect at an award night, tonight is everything you imagine and much longer. see when you have all these distinguished guests who are on the average above 45 years old, they tend to think they have all the time in the world. thus the extra-long speeches (which they did without much in-between breaths, that goes to show how experienced they are), times that by 7. 7 long speeches and for the first time in my life, i sat till my shoulders were numb. dont ask me how.

sure i can summarised all of their speeches into one sentence.
we are proud to welcome everyone here tonight to honour class of 2010.
knowledge isnt everything. this year is a fruitful year.
great honour to the alumni award winners (which were here i dont know why).
the teachers and staff are the core of a good education and are the reason for the achievements of the students sitting here tonight.
get excited for the rollercoaster of life.
when life is in shambles, dont fret and seek another way out.
there 7 sentences. all from an hour an half session that threatens to lull audiences to sleep. and the performance this year? seriously? talk about showing off. hello, it's called entertainment for a reason..............

me getting my Biology prize, which later coerce into writing a thank-you letter.

ok away with the sarcasm. here comes something i thought to prevent myself from going to sleep.
there is actually so many people out there. weird people, talented people, cheaters, power, all around this great big world that we live in. well firstly i met amazing people here, all much more capable than me and loved by many. so actually for once, i get to see myself in a larger picture that i can be graded into B, and there's all these A-graders floating around. mostly they are not smartasses, they persevere and stick to their principles (good ones of course). they know when to stop, what to try, and some way or another, find themselves a spot in this world. so here comes the question: if there are so many good people around, what defines success then? is it what we really thought it is?

secondly, the worse part of humanity. i guess that is the real and harsh side of life that accompanies all the happiness and kindness we really longed for. humans like to complicate matters. and that influences their choices. politics, war, transnational companies offering aid to poor countries, corruption, ethics of killing, genetic engineering, millions of issues that we cant define what is wrong and right, and who's to blame. maybe its a paradigm shift, people are getting more self-absorbed and concentric everyday. the concept of "i" in technology, blogging culture, ten of thousands of people posting videos of their talents up youtube. just the other day i saw a video that strumming his teeth is a talent WTH!!!
all these when you can actually simplify things. unified as one or fight for identity? love or hate? save others or save yourself? money or health? think.

if i were to choose one lesson that i've learnt these 2 years, that would be finding who you are. to some finding happiness satisfy them. to others, chasing success is their lifelong goal. what's yours?

2010-12-05T14:22:00.004+10:30

hey some time since my last blog, nothing really big happen since but i've been doing some last-minute shopping and packing, as well as meeting up friends here before i go back.

so excited, elated, euphoric, exhilarated...........get the point?

i have simple aims for this holiday, just so my brain doesnt go rusty by the end of this holiday. oh and remember to get my ginormous memory capacity back!!
1 learn to cook

2 learn French

yes make this much simpler this year. and less. just so i wouldnt go over my head.
so amongst movies and food and fun with friends and family, i solemnly swear i'd be up to lots of good, at least for myself. XD

2010-12-01T21:27:00.002+10:30

here's an update from the trip last Saturday to Monarto Zoo.

over 1000 hectares of land dedicated to conservation and zoological research, as well as for the purpose of education and recreation. We went around the whole area on its bus and tried to take photos of the wild animals using megaZOOM through the wet glass. Not so amazing but not very miserable. i mean it was wild and exotic seeing all the animals closeup without feeling like they are trapped in an enclosure. (did i mention they had conservation programs for African animals? hence the giraffes and lions and hyenas)

so that was me getting "all out" in the wild, safely behind the tinbox of a bus, and let's see, erm, watch ostriches mate, various types of deers stoning literally. hey its not that im not excited about seeing animals. im a nature-lover. just a bad mood. it could have been better i think. this could have been better.

shit.

姚若龙

2010-11-29T22:01:00.002+10:30

一个似曾相识的名字，一个被忽略的名字，渐渐被瞩目。尽管他很低调。
曾经写过一千多首歌词，合作的歌手不计其数。细腻的手法把生活中的小事注入歌曲，变得脍炙人口。

分裂前的熱淚　分裂後的冷眼越愛誰　越防備　像隻脆弱的刺蝟分裂中的心碎　分裂後的假面 ~ 分生#阿密特

相信你只是怕伤害我，不是骗我，很爱过谁会舍得 ~ 开始懂了#孙燕姿

女人何苦为难女人，我们一样有最脆弱的灵魂，世界男子已经太会伤人，你怎么忍心再给我伤痕 ~ 女人何苦为难女人#辛晓琪

以前要的不是這種以後感動被生活輾過愛情就磨成了寂寞 ~ 以前以后#A-Lin

有时候和一个人那么亲密却还是忍不住想保护自己谁恋爱不曾藏一点秘密留防备留回忆留心情 ~不能和情人说的事#范玮琪刘若英

要醉得清醒　要無辜的犯罪　現實的世界只有灰 ~ 灰色空间#罗志祥

想念是会呼吸的痛　它活在我身上所有角落哼你爱的歌会痛　看你的信会痛　连沉默也痛想见不能见最痛 ~ 会呼吸的痛#梁静茹

你煎熬不肯定什么是最想要爱才又像乐园又像监牢明明面前是答案却撕掉不要 ~ 散场的拥抱#倪安东

承諾常常很像蝴蝶美麗的飛盤旋然後不見不小心當淚滑落嘴角就用你握過的手抹掉 ~ 遗失的美好#张韶涵

我能想到最浪漫的事　就是和你一起慢慢變老 ~ 最浪漫的事#赵咏华

感动就该好好支持。=）

Peaches by New Heights

2010-11-27T22:16:00.000+10:30

Please support good music.

absolutely love this.

30/05 人人网日志

2010-11-26T23:11:00.001+10:30

有时想想自己傻傻笨笨有多好，单纯点，看什么事都简单滴那该有多好。

只要看准目标勇往直前应该可以撑很久，爱上一个人会奋不顾身不顾一切对他好，遇到好事会痴痴的笑，用心对待每个人，不会去猜背后的用意，完完全全相信每个人会对自己好。

可我猜疑怀疑妒忌懒惰复杂想太多，也习惯了。因为这世界也并不完美，而且我们活在现实中，就得根据现实的规则生存下去，弱者淘汰懂吗？

可是希望还是有的。它很小很小，会被一句话一个眼神，拒绝，幻灭。

算了吧，我们不是圣人，不用装伟大或牺牲什么。今天你让让别人，明天就被人捅一刀，是真的。不相信的人是傻瓜，聪明的人会在背后冷冷地笑。所以我们也慢慢退到后面，在前面留下单纯和梦想，升格成为聪明人，冷冷笑着前面那些开心的笨蛋。

03/06 人人网日志

2010-11-26T23:06:00.002+10:30

18

Friendship. Love. Eternity

有人说过，婚姻不是爱情，爱情也不过那几年的事，爱情最终会转化为亲情，所以要在爱情还尚未变质的那几年，生个孩子，将爱情升华为亲情。不然干吗从 “老婆大人” 叫成了 “孩子的妈”。

何为爱情？也不过如此。有些人轰轰烈烈哭天抢地感叹谈了场恋爱，自以为那就是了，结局不是分就是死，壮烈。但到底不为爱情。那根本不是爱情，是游戏，特激烈的。

爱情没有花言巧语，没有华丽的山盟海誓，简短的承诺，什么事找我，一定到。

爱情没有牺牲，没有殉情，爱情是没有了你，但为你我要好好活下去。

爱情是信任和支持加包容，不管发生什么事，我相信，你会站在我身旁。

爱情很简单。

偶尔地撒娇，偶尔地熬汤

配上

你传简讯说回不回来吃饭，和你皱着眉头骂我天冷了还不多加件衣服，一点都不会照顾自己碎碎念着。

不用你买钻石

不用你天天夸我

不用你天天做饭

不用你背我上楼

不用你做任何浪漫对天发誓地蠢事

只要我不睡在你身边你会不习惯睡不着

只要你说我做地菜下次可以做的更好，还有下次，下次你也会吃

只要你出差每晚会报平安

只要我发脾气你会静静听我骂完等我气消再问我怎么了

只要我一不对劲你会察觉但看情况才开口

只要你了你相信我相信你，不管怎么样

有一天你不再我身边了，想你的时候，哭笑后悔愤怒情绪一并出现，无助了，我会想起你相信我会过得很好。我会看着镜子里的自己，看到你改变的我，就知道你曾经存在，感觉你的存在。

我爱你不用说，我知道。

21/08 人人网日志

2010-11-26T23:02:00.002+10:30

以前以前我的个性很极端，在两件动作间徘徊，因人而定。

来了这里之后，我变了。

制止自己不太放肆不太过虑产生了一种chilled out 态度

不为那个关心的人太过执着。

之前不care的小事小人物

变的小心翼翼，因为了解了因果循环事件连环的道理，

为了我关心的人事物铺后路。

两端之间的灰色地带我很常逗留，也许有天我会慢慢喜欢上这里

因为习惯。

曾经po在人人网的日志 dated 09/10

2010-11-26T23:00:00.000+10:30

虽然呢有妈有姐，却没有比朋友更亲。这点呢不管从哪个观点看都是非常不对的，可是这相处模式也不是一天两天改得了的，还有也得看对方啊，单方面努力从来就很吃力很可怜。拜托我也被箭伤了很多次。有时会想这样已经很好了，看着别人呢又开始嫉妒，自己为什么就没有叻。可是知道吗，明明应该是最亲的人却有着隐瞒的事情，会让不知情者很伤心很伤心的，好像自己没有任何价值或不值得信任等等情感冲击。我没有夸张哦。但我记得上次开口想解决这关系时，被眼泪堵住喉咙，一句话也说不出。总结是自己是非常非常没用的东东。

2010-11-26T17:15:00.000+10:30

photographic hOLIday

2010-11-26T10:11:00.002+10:30

Against Animal Cruelty

lately there has been a video on fb showing a woman in her 20s crushing rabbits to death. a few days later she made an official apology and regretted her actions. what really was behind all these satanic behaviour is an organization named "crushfetish" and they literally have a forum and many gatherings to illustrate their horrific actions. people are paid to arrange gatherings and make animal cruelty videos. one of their methods to ease public enmity and avoid accusation is by making "an official apology" when in fact no remorse is shown.

i call them the High Heels Killer.

http://tt.mop.com/read_5218956_1_0.html

never mind the chinese if you dont understand. the pictures said it all.

2010-11-25T23:06:00.002+10:30

hello people!!!! wonder why im in such a good mood?? coz i just had therapy--shopping. but mostly its that i finally have the mood of holidaying, im always slow in mood shifts...

well my cousin from brisbane came over and we went around adelaide. mind you there isnt much to do around here, so all the fun things that we actually did, its pretty much the only things you can do around adelaide. well of course if you the adventurous kind (like me), there's surfing, mountain-climbing, diving, sky-diving, and the water sports...(except no one i know is into all that). or there's wine-tasting at barossa valley.

well that's what we DIDNT do. we just went around the city on the hottest day since April. next day went to Hahndorf, seeing all these cutesy tourist spots and picking strawberries. so that's something different even though the strawberries arent too sweet yet this time of the year. wait till it gets hotter. then Mount Lofty for the scenery.

following day to Goolwa, collecting pipi cockles! or "lala"s as we usually call them here, u know the shell-like molluscs that some people hate. well i like it. and i like it even more when my hands are 6 inches deep in the sand, digging for 'em. oh man, plain ecstasy when i found one. its like digging for gold but much better. i caught the most that day but i ended up didnt feel like eating them at all, felt so cruel.

but i love the sea so much! it rained after an hour or so, ruining the trip. but i got seaspray waves in my hair, love it!! XD

so i went to glenelg the next day (well today actually). beach again. well this time mostly for the scenery and food. the only bad thing about the seaside is getting sand ALL over yourself, as much as it is worth the fun. and we did shopping, well for the girls anyway. got myself, calling them, graduation presents. =D aaaah, love summer.

more fun and photos later.

2010-11-23T10:55:00.001+10:30

LOL amazing! a good balance of everything, although some cliche jokes and smartypants comeback. still its awesome!!

2010-11-22T22:29:00.004+10:30

what the sky looks like when im missing you

my sister's balcony and view

am i worthy?

lately....not crazy at all. bored outta my mind. finished school and lots of plans and things-to-do, but i have no idea where to start. plus its kinda really hard coz i never finished what i plan anyway.

i cant wait to go back home. and i've said this umpteen times since August and im still NOT back yet. ok i probably have wouldnt have any things to do there anyway (except getting my driver's license) and also the epic slow internet back home. but still.

2010-11-21T21:38:00.002+10:30

its been a week since the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows premiere in London. 4 days since its first screening in Australia. i've just watched it with a bunch of fanatics who screamed, laughed, and clapped in the cinema. ok not the perfect audience but i am not disappointed with the film. and that's saying a lot, considering im very particular with book-turn-films. i usually have such high expectations and im probably not the only one. but this film is actually keeping it real close to the book, and i have been imagining all the scenes from the book. turns out resembling what i thought, especially Godric Hollows. =)

yes all the Harry Potter films (plus some other book-turn-films) have always been taking out scenes not picture-worthy and adding in new ones to increase its commercial value. but i dont really like it if they change scenes or add irrelevant ones, giving it "tone". mostly American gags. some can drastically change the minor chracters' original personality, which is often a negative image. check out the Goblet of Fire. adding too much is never wise too, see Half-Blood Prince's lovey-dovey scenes. i know this adds boxoffice, Rowling seems fine with it as well, but its taking too much of the limelight away. consider those people who never read the books, films like these would never give them the initiative to read the books.

i particularly like the scenes of Dobby (making his speech as a free elf) and the fight between Ron and Harry. there are significantly more acting as opposed to the actions (CG effects) in this movie, which is a challenge for the actors. but they did well. plus they've got the best British actors and actresses in it,to think they must have gotten some tips right? Ralph Fiennes, Helena Bonham Carter, Alan Rickman are my favourites.

so for those who never read the books, this one has enough gags to help you last through the 146 minutes. for those who had, enjoy the ride....

2010-11-19T23:50:00.002+10:30

aahh appearances. a controversial topic, at least for people in our age. we all go through a phase where appearance has a great significance in our everyday lives. some people grow out of it, others never, and some absorbed themselves in it.

hey, im not saying its a bad thing. like today i was at the hairdresser and i realised they can be called "hair and makeup artist". artist, see that? their canvases are our hair and faces. hair dyes, mascara, eye shadows and bronzers are their paint. they have brushes in various sizes, more than a real painter. creative takes place everyday. plus they interact with people, so its not a bad job at all. plus they make people happy. =)

but what i really wanna talk about is us girls. well some boys too. no labelling here. please. we spend hundreds on face products: cleanser, toner, moisturiser, serum, anti-aging cream, sunblock. makeup: concealer, powder, primer, mascara, eyebrow tint, eye shadow, blusher, eyeliner, lip gloss, bronzer. some of the biggest companies in the world belongs to cosmetics companies. clothes and accessories as well. names like Louis Vuitton, Prada, Sportgirls, Marks and Spencer, Swarovski, Alexander Wang just to name a few. the industry is huge and they have the female population, and their inability to step out of the house without looking like a poodle, to thank for. XD ok not really but more or less on the same lines.

im not gonna go and deny im not like that. and yes, there are some people who dont really care if they walk out in their century-old oversized shirt and not-Puma trackies, with their bedhair looking like those advertised in the magazines. and yes, fashion magazines sell for a reason. as much as some guys think it is pretty shallow for girls to have the only reading material in their bedrooms to be Cosmo and some cheap love novel, there are plenty of girls like this in every city. but you seriously dont think we girls believe you guys own anything else than the sports mags or for some, playboy-like material?? *scoffs*

but it had been that way since...forever. the expectation for a female to look proper in the presence of outsiders, and the value determined by their beauty and virginity. read pride and prejudice for the first few chapters to feel that sort of pressure. the conformity of society towards females and taking charge of their futures. but the focus is not on this old society. however the tradition of valuing beauty dies hard. to have a gorgeous female accessory hanging on your arm and the rest of the room glaring at you jealously is satisfying. very satisfying.

lemme tell you what happens in a girl's mind when another girl walks into the room: she sizes up the attire and hair and makeup in 2 seconds. she looks at her figure and makes mental comments on how good or bad she looks in about 1.5 seconds. decides her emotion status to be happy (glad she's still the prettiest in the room), jealous (that woman has one hell of dress), insanely jealous (i could kill her just to get her figure/dress/shoes/man).

okok sum it up and my point is really clear. think peacock. the males ones always flaunt their fan of feathers to attract the females. aim? for reproduction. hello, simple as that, we are animals really. the first attraction is always primative. if i wanna really put this into scientific context, then its more or less about mammary glands and good survival genes like muscle build. so its not just clothes. there is a reason why women want to look good, and why men are looking for pretty women.

but we go through evolution. just in case someone feels insulted. well i believe that as well, i mean the appreciation for beauty is built and proven through time. Picasso, Mozart, Chopin, Da Vinci.......they dont exist through history just because their names are repeated for a lot of times.

so go ahead and appreciate beauty. embrace it. keeping in mind what's real and what's not. hey hey, not preaching. its your choice.

it seems almost natural to do that.

the precious

2010-11-18T22:06:00.000+10:30

2010-11-18T21:45:00.003+10:30

we think we know. we always do that, to assume we know the best than someone else. for one thing i just realised today: we also love to share. experiences that we have, moments that were exclusive, we spread the ideas to those who we loved, who had been through it all, who were with us at that moment. just so they know the unique feeling you had that cross your mind.

i guess that's why people write, blog, tell stories. to share. in this world everything is shared now. social networks like facebook status and twitter, in many versions and languages, we announce to the whole wide world of what happened and personalised it. the receiving end might be welcoming or not, depending on who cares. half of the time i dont.

like today i was gonna blog about how i've finished my exams but there wasnt any feelings about it. pretty weird right? like the whole two years of this stupid course. i dont feel that i've been educated. sure i've learned. i have learned more about how life is like. how things will not always go your way. i have learned to fail and be graceful about it. i have learned to put myself in challenges and reap the benfits. i had, in short, know more about myself. and to let others have a go at that too. i've learned to shut up.

sure there's a lot of things that happened, most i would love to change now. I havent lost my sarcasm and passion, just found them in another form. but i found some scum and showoffness in me, alongside my weakness and bad habits. some i cant accept, some are on the way in.

they say cells renew every 7 years. that means you will be a completely different person from who you were 7 years ago. well if that's true, its a pity then. but we always hope that we changed for the better right?

2010-11-16T21:31:00.002+10:30

here's a good blog that deserves to be introduced to all Malaysians. Take his advice, if not, try looking at issues through another (his) perspective. Wish there were more Malaysians like him.

http://drctoni.blogspot.com/

2010-11-13T23:54:00.003+10:30

was talking to my friend and the topic came by hugs. "Free Hugs Campaign" by Juan Mann. public display of affections. possibility of prosecution.

Fact 1: Hugs are healthy.
Fact 2: Free Hugs Campaign was once banned, but through an act of humanity, petitions were sent to show that this act is acceptable within the society (in this case, Sydney).
Fact 3: PDA is an offence in Malaysia, and persons have been persecuted before for kissing and hugging in public. It was deemed inappropriate.

what worries me the most is the public reaction on such actions. ok lets first established the baseline: holding hands and hugging and kiss goodbye (no tongue action) are totally fine. Any other manners may end up in awkward situations, even some partners may not feel at all comfortable with it. Hell, some guys hate holding hands! (others include arse-slapping, french-kissing, gropping thighs, grinding...) but exceptions to places like hospitals.

but lemme get this straight: some people think it is completely inappropriate to do anything other than holding hands in public, some think you just dont touch the opposite sex! their arguments: it arouses them (and others), it's foreplay, love should not be expressed in public otherwise it will not be called love, shameful, disgrace to the morality of asian people, high possibility of leading to other strange acts (yes they call it strange, as opposed to the proper term of sex).

Outrageous.

since when does kissing aroused sexuality? since when we are not allowed to express love publicly? since when the most natural gesture of love--hugging--is restricted? we hug all the time, since we were young. kids kiss and we think its adorable. yes we grow up and it all becomes awkward. but if it is to tell someone we love them using our body, why are we suddenly all opposed to this very idea? i grew up in an environment where people dont hug. those very much in love never hold each other in public. i found it hard to accept that people here hug all the time for the simplest reason. but i found it even harder to accept people embrace each other more away from home just because they are allowed to, this idea disturbs me with the notion that we need to get some social permission just to express ourselves to our loved ones.

we seem to forgot the basic human contact can bring people closer together. that the rules and customs and segregation, which define each culture, set humans apart and succeeded. but why are we so afraid to open our arms to others?

u know, premature babies now need to be hold, to have human contact, just to be healthier.

TUTTING

2010-11-13T00:35:00.002+10:30

made famous by Micheal Jackson in music video 'Remember The Time'.

watch the development of tutting through 20 years.

NAM Hyun Joon. Korean dancer with innovative famous moves.

Pandora. appeared in Step Up 3 with her amazing talents that even shock guys.

yes, you've got it. modern interpretive dance moves most recently in tune with popping, liquid and electronic music, only slightly faster. All the moves are in geometric positions, predominantly right angles, but its not just framing the face.

another famous one? bridge part in Sorry Sorry by Super Junior.

2010-11-09T22:05:00.002+10:30

i need to know about lomography. someone. anyone?

english today its crap. ok...totally thinking im gonna rule it, but the question is so crappy. but feeling crappy always has good outcome right? except for maths. but this english so it should be fine, right?

ok im going crazy...

lomo lomo

2010-11-07T23:10:00.004+10:30

im on one of my raves. today it is the relationship status on facebook.

ok first i have a confession to make. i can never remember birthdays, unless fb reminds me. it used to be friendster, then no one uses that anymore, so its just fb. sometimes its not even reliable. sometimes i cant even remember their ages! its not anything personal against anyone, its just im really bad at remembering dates. and dont ask me about astrological signs either, i never know when except for my own.

then fb-stalking. its only been something i've done this year, influenced by my sister. i didnt know you could get so much info from a person just by looking at their info, status and photos. that's why im very particular about my info and photos up there, and not whether i look fat in that photo or not.

But the reason that im talking about relationship status, or reasons (that both have no connections whatsoever), well one is that i never knew that person has a gf or bf until i saw it! well of course people dont go around annoucing they have gfs or bfs, or wearing out-of-fashion couple rings and necklaces that were once made popular by korean dramas. well part of it is that they dont act like they in a relationship when their partners are not there. by that im saying some do flirt around when their partners are not looking. im serious. well others...i wouldnt have known if they hadnt posted it up, mainly because of my lack of contact (always my problem, never theirs). ok i know about it now, but through fb status instead of you sharing the good news with me?? bad move. deep-pit bad feeling.

maybe some people thought it wasnt a big deal to go around telling everyone. but hello, there is a influential person in your life right now and you fail to tell me?! either you think that person isnt important enough, or im not important enough. either way its a sad situation and, whoa, it hurts real bad.

the second thing is, what is the real purpose of putting it up on fb? to announce to the 1392 "friends" you've got on fb? just to share because you're outgoing like that? want to shake off the irritating ex? whoever your partner is forced you? by this, im excluding those who are actually getting engaged and married (congrats by the way!). but then what you have is thousands of people giving you their unimportant concern over your lovelife, or loss thereof. do you know once i saw someone putting "single" after her breakup and 36 people asked her what happened in an hour. i was like, condolences mate but why put yourself through that extra burden? every message only adds on to the pain of the memory of breakup. you can choose not to reply then, only to come up with a forced status " i smiled today" days later to stop people from thinking you're suicidal.

well, of course, people dont think about the breakup part when they happily post their "in a relationship" status up on fb. i mean, who thinks of breakup when they in love? of course they want to be together forever. but worse of all, any family members crowding over you after you break up with your 5-year bf. or questioning why havent you gotten married with your 5-year bf.

but luckily (or unluckily if you choose to see it that way), this applies to only a small fraction of the people i know. (others i feel your pain and loneliness, no worries). but we are happy, or at the very least comfortable or learning to accept things, when we changed our statuses. i never comment on relationship statuses. im a pessimist, but i never wished for the very bad to happen. but i'll save the congratulations and best wishes till the wedding ceremony.

2010-11-07T15:26:00.001+10:30

I have probably the best dream, well quite weird, but definitely the best dream I had for a very long time. All my friends, whom I had knew and got close with at various stages of my life all gathered together. There was a flood or something and we were at this basement, so this doesn’t make any sense at all in the first place. But the thing is that we all had to stay there for quite sometime.

Funny part is I think I remember some people who I haven’t seen for a long time and they were there, laughing along with my best friends. Some people who werent acquainted with each other before were mushing around having fun. Some people changed a lot, I mean their exterior image was quite different from what I remember, despite their unchanged characters. And some people weren’t there at all.

I miss everyone so much. Sometimes I do wonder is it ever possible to bring all the special people in your life together in the same place?.............oh yea they do, at funerals.

2010-11-06T12:48:00.002+10:30

被电影英文名吸引 THE BREAKUP CLUB 也出现在电影里的网站，用类似 PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 的拍摄手法追踪一对情侣，腐败没志气男和志气女的离离合合。看似有趣的题材和独特的拍摄方式给这片电影新意--提到的网站可以将一对情侣分开，让自己再和女朋友重新在一起，这样的点子切入他们的故事，很真实的演绎。这样比一般的青春爱情剧要有看头很多。不过结尾却体现了现代人谈恋爱过于浪漫主义，不切实际的抉择。总的来说，一部很特别的电影，很特别的说故事的方法。

2010-11-04T00:28:00.002+10:30

halfway into my exams and everything is going as expected. well im no genius overnight. just leave it at "you reap what you sow".

but i think it wasnt too bad. this year's questions are really hard so i hope they reduce the mark range and scale up ATAR for IB. fingers cross!

so far 2 subjects down. middle of maths. im so lucky to have this timetable, approximately 2 subjects per week. i know someone 5 subjects in one week, about 2-3 papers everyday! i got so burnt yesterday having chinese and biology 4 papers altogether. i thought it gonna be fine with chinese, but there is quite a lot of thinking involved for a long period of time. bio is one word, bad. but maybe because i had such high hopes on getting top score for bio.

then the scary maths. this is the only one im worried about. not that i cant memorise, not that its super hard, i take much longer time to work out the answers and at some point i cant get the answer, i freak out. ends up with a pretty bad mark, like mid-year. so...i really dont wanna screw up. i need a clear mind to work them out. brain food......

and the others....well i'll just worry about them when they come.

its really nice to have mum and dad here. extreme good food, and super healthy. all memory boosting and filling. totally credit to my mum for not falling asleep during examinations. oh i once had this dream that i cant focus in exams, kept wanting to sleep. i woke up with a mental note to self: not to fall asleep in exams. i guess that is too obvious of a reminder, on the fact that no one just droops off to sleep unless they havent been sleeping for 2 nights in a row or something. i mean, adrenaline, heard of it? or hello, caffeine?

seriously if this is what i write now, im really scared for my english paper. im gonna be so short on words. i'll blame this on american movies. the extensive use of words "like", "totally", the f-word, "oh..yea.." in the form of noun, verb, adverb, adjective, etc. is really degradation of the brain's verbal cortex. luckily Shakespeare and Oscar Wilde are not americans.

LOL just remembered i was debating with my sis on whether homo/bi-sexuality is genetically determined or a mental disorder. ok we got past that it really wasnt mental. but we got to the part that humans, in terms of organisms in this biosphere, have one of the life aims: reproduction. my theory is that as a living organism, we reproduce and that is natural. she doesnt agree that we have to. she thinks is degrading to have that thought. i think to think highly of human beings is really the root of evil. i didnt tell her that though.
screww my brain.

2010-10-28T22:57:00.002+10:30

so i was thinking, as usual, that got me into this stupid mood i have right now. well partly because of my itchy throat that i just wanna stick my hand in there and scratch like crazy. ok so i realised i have no motivation at all.

like i used to learn just because i wanted to. there is always this thirst for knowledge that never seems satisfied. and, oh call me a nerd whatever, i get pretty excited that i know or remember something. i was so proud of myself. lately its just letting the fat grow permanently on my backside, no kidding. but no here comes the worse: i just stop at the good to very good level. its like i have this expectation of myself to do good but i cant bring myself to be perfect, or almost perfect.

like i could put in all my effort for this exam and try for scholarship tie-mark, i just dont. not even to prove myself that i can. im just satisfied with getting into the course. well its fine, no problems there. except the ningling feeling that i can so do much better. even if its means 8 hours of revision everyday and doing exercise (to destress), eat and sleep. well i did that before, pmr i think. i still remembered i slept like a baby, mission accomplished every night. but i was stressed as well.

oh god. im actually more worried about my attitude than the results itself. im hated by all i know. crucial times drive people crazy,i understand therefore i forgive u. XD

2010-10-22T23:06:00.002+10:30

21/10 0850 ML1 Walford
Geography party with Ms Tassell and little Max surprise attendance! We got Ms Hyde a present, which is a pot of different plants,each representing 8 of us in the class. We had so much food that this caused me a sugar high that i crashed later. by the way, chocolate and jelly dont really go together.
1330 BL1 Walford
English party. brought food for each of the novels we'd studied. surprised Ms Doull a lot!! had a little chat and yes, we played Harry Potter trivia game! the questions are so hard though...
1430 Boarding House
Chem party wasnt as great mainly because everyone is bloated. Then we left to clear our lockers. Then we stood outside of the Year 12 centre to sing on the top of our lungs, literally! When the bell goes, we went running around the school and rung the old school bell. I must say its quite a significant experience.
1830 Ali's house
Parrrrrrrtay!!!! all the girls gathered and we pretty much had a lot of fun for the night. Many photo-taking, dancing, hugs, drinking......some got quite waster before they head into town. Apparently i was in Step Up 3 movie which i didnt know about. I didnt think the taxi driver believed that as well, even though i try to look earnest for the slightest bit. One very important point: Never walk on the streets with a drunk girl.

22/10 0040 my house
after hitting some clubs and ktv, my group of friends decided it wasnt all that fun and went back to my place for Wii. We're quite worn out actually but really wanted to stay up the night, for once. XD
0445 boarding house
head off for muck-up at the boarding house! woke them up in a racket for some water-hosing and detergent-egg-bbq sauce-soda-honey-goo mixture. it was all really fun, except its the same as last year! then we bbq bacon and egg in a hole for them. yum but i really had no appetite. im so tired that i could just droop off!
0800 drama room
gathered before the breakfast. i actually walked in on the student council preparation when im not supposed to know anything! well they werent supposed to know we dressed up as nerds anyway...so we got on a flight with them pretending to be airstewardess, where we met turbulence, and landed on Winter Wonderland! ok can i just say that this decoration is much better than our formal ones. and the penguins suitssss its so funny watching them coz they had to clear up and serve us and all that when they cant really grip properly or stretched their arms in the suits. oh then we got a snowball thingy with our formal photo in it! so cool!it actually isnt garbage present! britt and georgie actually described all the year 12s as different types of chocolate and its really cool, and funny for some.
1000 Helen Reid hall
we came in with the year 12 dance. totally awesome. plus my solo, i seriously think i shocked everyone in my white suspenders. then year 12 video is actually quite professional editing, apart from all the funny parts. then the song. this is the part where everyone cries. just bawling their eyes out. even the teachers. We had the guard of honor, where all the students held their hands up and we passed under them, all the way to the school gate. many tears and hugs and goodbyes, i went home to
SLEEP!!!!
1900 Helen Reid hall
graduation ceremony.in our clean uniforms we received citations and testimonials from the school in front of our loved ones and in great honour. i represented the service section for the school symbols which, erm, not very common in the religious terms. during the citations our baby photos and formal photos were up on a big screen just so the parents can see the difference and sentimental, and to keep the other parents from falling asleep. then home.

dang im so tired. more photo uploading to fb. watch out.

2010-10-20T22:12:00.002+10:30

time time passes quickly and oh yes, it is the end of the year.
2 weeks till my first paper.
4 weeks till my last paper.
2 days till graduation day.
20 hours till breakup party.
2 subjects-end party.
3 more to go.
18 months of studying IB in Walford all come down to this moment.

we've been having food and parties and presents and goodbyes thrown around. like in bio, we bought Ms Allan a tree and some wine, chillaxing under the sun with some coffee and cheesecake, talking about our plans next year. be it uni, gap year, jobs, travelling. oh i cant wait.
then in maths, she came in with some candles. "Education is not filling the bucket, but lighting the candle." This is passed on to her from a beloved teacher, and she passed it on to us. After 2 years of tedious maths learning and solving problems, she read us a children's book - Dr. Seuss's The Places You'll Go. I love the illustrations in that book,

"Sometimes when you are lonely you cant compare and win, because you cant win against yourself"

learnt the Year 12 dance. Planned for the party night. All ready to go for muck up and leaving this hellhole. kidding.

more later.

2010-10-10T01:21:00.002+10:30

ooh when we loved we love
and no one told me
this is the season of love

dont be crazy dont watch your back
just fall freely and it all begin
lets not worry let it be
ooh let me sing your love
that crazy love

LOL this is not me

2010-10-08T14:27:00.002+10:30

im like, stuck.

2010-10-06T21:52:00.001+10:30

since i dont mean much at all, then i dont have to take you into consideration anymore.